Today I Ate A Dentist

The dentist laid me back

in his space age dentist’s chair 

and had me open my mouth 

really wide.

Wide, wider, widest, he said,

wide as you can go.

I heard the hinges of my jaw creak

and give way.

There, 

is that wide the fuck enough for you,

you misogynistic sadist?

I said this with my eyes, seductively, of course.

The dentist lifted one clownish size 13

and put it into my mouth.

Then he pulled the other in after it.

He said goodbye to his assistant,
who he had chastely loved all these many years, 

kissed her on the cheek,

and disappeared inside me

like he was descending into a moist manhole.

The dental assistant, a very nice Asian woman

named Pam, stared into my gaping mouth

with a look of utter astonishment.

From deep inside me we both heard

the dentist yodeling back,

“I’ve been waiting to do this all my life! 
I've tried my very best. 

Tell my wife and kids goodbye 
and good luck to you all!
That's all folks!"