=just a regular girl, sort of=

No porn star, no bombshell—just a regular girl
living an ordinary life. Yep, that's what my dream come true amounts to when all's said & done. Nothing very grandiose—simply living in the gender that feels correct to me. I wake up in the morning & live my life without any inner conflict and with no conflict from the world at large either. It's not a fantasy to "dress up," not that there's anything wrong with that, but for me it's no big deal—it's not a "sex-thing," or, rather, let's say it's not primarily a "sex-thing" unless I making it a point to be sexy. It's not a humiliation or a punishment or a kind of masochistic emasculation to dress as a girl—although before I transitioned and in my sex-fantasies still, it can be these things. Early sexual imprinting is probably impossible to completely eradicate and I don't even know I'd want to eradicate it if I could. Those fantasies of humiliation are still part of who I am, but more importantly than that, they continue unfailingly to give me orgasms. So long as the humiliation is only a fantasy and something I indulge in at my discretion, I don't see any harm in it. The humiliation that can leak into your everyday life, that other people can make you feel for being who and what you are—that's a different story.

Nowadays, I go about my business in the world and I don't draw any attention whatsoever. I get ma'amed as a matter of routine, guys hold open doors out of habit, women will occasionally compliment something I'm wearing; in short, no one stops to give me a second look. If they do, I still get a flutter of anxiety, thinking maybe they can "tell," maybe they're going to start pointing, whispering, laughing. My husband reassures me that if they're doing a double-take it's most likely because they like what they see. That's very sweet of him and maybe it's even true sometimes! I'm just happy I'm not running at the end of a pitchfork, that they don't bring out the torches, the stones, etc.  I feel enormously lucky & blessed just to blend in, to fly beneath the radar, just to be another anonymous, average, forgettable woman in the crowd. To me, that's a miracle. At the end of the fairytale, every little girl imagines herself grown up to be the princess. I grew up to be nobody, but I feel as lucky as any princess.