=my book of revelation=

Our Lady of the Desert Fish

I'm mute, i tell myself, mute & can say nothing even if i wanted to, it's the only way to deal with the situation, to make no mistakes, or the least of all possible mistakes, because the world will judge you for not saying anything too, you can't say your truth and you can't remain silent, you must speak & what you must say is WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR you must lie against your own nature, you must betray yourself that is what living in the world costs you & i say kill me, just go ahead & kill me i don't want to belong to this world i don't belong to it never did never will i want out of it never wanted in it in the first place KILL ME no they won't do that either but they will let you die they'll let you die in the street & shrug & wash their hands of you & tell each other it was your choice that's what they'll do it was your decision not to play along, not to belong (as if it were you decision as if you could change what you were) they will kill you but only by passive aggression & go on pretending that their hands are clean of your blood but what these hypocrites won't do is let you be yourself, no, that's the greatest crime you can perpetrate against society: being yourself.  

—Kathy Acker