=dear diary=

Daddy got a birthday present in the mail today from his ex-girlfriend. So i guess they are still in some kind of contact, which really isn't any surprise. i suspected as much, not that Daddy has ever tried to hide it. All the same, i have to admit it bothered me more than a little bit. But i decided i should think on the positive side. Daddy's such a nice & decent guy that even his ex doesn't hate his guts. How many guys can say that about their exes? Anyway, what can i do about it even if i don't like the idea of this woman still lurking about the fringes of our marriage? Should i get all angry & jealous & bitchy about it? Sure i could do that, most girls would—but what good would that do? One of the things Daddy likes best about me—why he chose me over that other woman in the first place—is that i don't give him a hard time. What he likes about me is that i'm a perfectly compliant submissive little sissy slave.

It's true, that's what i am, and it's not like i have to pretend. i'm perversely proud of it. i am a perfectly compliant, submissive little sissy slave. i like the idea that i'm the property of a big strong man who does whatever he wants. i'm fairly positive that he isn't cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend or anyone else for that matter, but even if he were, what would i do about it? Nothing, that's what. And i know it. i owe my Daddy my very life & i've pledged it to him. The fact is, i have certain limitations as a t-girl that i'm painfully well aware of. What if Daddy decided that he wanted a taste of real girl-cunt again for a change? What if he found that he missed it? How could i possibly object, especially since i can't fulfill that desire? No, i wouldn't be happy about it, but i'd accept it as a good submissive slave should accept her Master's wishes, no matter what they were. What i'd do to cope with the pain, to make it more bearable, is to eroticize it, to make it a symbol of my complete submission to my hubby. i'd savor the delicious humiliation of his fucking another woman right under my nose. Even now, i'm picturing myself serving them breakfast after they fuck in our bedroom. i'm imagining kneeling on the floor at this woman's feet, while she sits on our couch, giving her a pedicure. 

And the thing is, i know if push came to shove, it's not just a fantasy. i really would abase myself in this way—and worse! 

That's why—in all good conscience—i couldn't raise any  objection or summon any real outrage to my husband's willingness to accept this woman's gifts or her continued friendship (or whatever it is). Knowing what i know about myself, how far into submission I'd be willing to go—all the way to the very bottom if that's what was required of me!—it would be nothing more than theatrics for me to raise any objection. 

What i learned a long time ago is that what makes me so desirable as a transgirl—why some men even do the seemingly unthinkable and pick a transgirl over a genetic girl—is the lengths i'm prepared to go to please my man. In many ways, i'm more girl than any genetic girl. What a woman would probably say hearing me say such a thing is, "Oh what nonsense! You're not a girl at all. You're a man's fantasy of a girl." And i'd answer "Okay. i'm perfectly willing to accept that. Let's assume it's true. i'm perfectly content to be a man's fantasy girl." 

Men never give up their fantasies.