=porn that's not porn at all is for me the hottest porn of all=

Daddy sends me a lot of sissygirl pictures for my instruction & edification…or maybe it's a subtle form of brainwashing? Or maybe all three. Yep, the more i think about it, it's all three.

Anyway, most of the pictures are overtly sexual, some of them even kind of gross for my taste…pictures of distended sissypussies dripping mancream, mouths overstuffed with cocks & hardcore stuff like that. i'm really squeamish when it comes to seeing "too much."  it was one of the chief differences i noticed early on between me & boys. Boys could never seem to see "too much." They didn't want to leave anything to the imagination. When it came to porn, the more hardcore, the more close-up, the more gooey & wet & wide-open the better. They wanted to get their eye right in the orifice if possible. To me, what they liked best looked like open heart surgery & was just about as sexy. i would often look away from these pictures, try to see them obliquely, &, unlike the boys, who i began to doubt had any imagination at all, leaving as much to the imagination as possible.  Of course, all the while, i was imagining myself as the girl. i could never picture myself penetrating anyone. The very thought of it made me feel sick…it was too aggressive…like stabbing…i couldn't imagine "hurting" someone like that. i knew instinctively i'd always pull back, unable to do it. On the other hand, i rather liked the idea of being penetrated. i could never do something violent to another person; but i could enjoy the idea of someone doing something violent to me. And fucking seemed like a form of violence. Still does, actually.

Anyway, that's all somewhat beside the point of why i reposted the above picture, which Daddy sent me last night. No, wait a minute. It's not beside the point. It is the point; it's just that i went off on something of a tangent from the point, which is this: the above picture is the kind of image that really excites me even though there's nothing explicitly sexual about it. I find the implicit message of this image depicts a sexier (to me) psychosexual truth. This image mirrors back to me precisely the kind of sissy with whom i most identify: soft & femmy & rather naive, which i still feel myself to be, in spite of all the cocks i've sucked. Somewhere deep down…well, not even so deep down…i'm always the same innocent girl sitting atop  her pink comforter when Daddy walks into my bedroom & surprises me in my panties. From there, the fantasy of what happens is pretty well fixed & so vivid in my imagination that i don't have to see the cock in my mouth, the cum dripping off my chin, or my gaping, ravaged, cum-choked sissypuss.

That's what's next for this sissy, just as it is for me. But it's the moment before this all happens that is the hottest & sexiest to me. When Daddy's cock is hardest & i want it the most. And i want this suspended moment of delicious anticipation & super-peak excitement to last…well…forever & ever & ever.

The best orgasm of all is the one that never quite comes.