=sissy homework=

If nothing else, i guess the very fact that i so diligently completed this assignment illustrates the depth of my submission & the desperation of my need for approval…both of which, maybe more than anything else, define my personality as a sissygirl. This isn't even the best example. When i used to sexchat with people online, i'd often be given "assignments" in the midst of a chat that later, offline, i would actually carry out to the letter, no matter how debasing or humiliating. The person i'd been chatting with could have no idea whether i'd carried out his instructions or not, but i'd know. And if we hooked up again online, i wanted to be able to honestly tell him that i'd followed his orders. i wanted to be able to show him that i was an obedient & perfectly submissive slave, that i was entirely under his control. What's more, carrying out his instructions—even if he wasn't there to oversee my actions—gave me a sense of security, a sense that he was watching, whether he was or not, that was unquestionably sexual in nature.  There is no more intense, no more exquisite pleasure than the pleasure i get from the feeling of being owned, controlled, & disciplined by another in a situation with sexual overtones. When addicts speak of the irresistible euphoria of heroin, i think they must be talking about the euphoria i feel in submission. As a result, i am extraordinarily susceptible to strong-willed controlling types of individual who demand i give up my own will—which i'm only too willing to do!—even to the point of self-destruction. Other people can be very dangerous for me; in fact, just like heroin, they can be the death of me. Of this, i am well aware & i usually keep my distance from others, knowing well how porous my boundaries are, how easily someone can step over them & capture my unconditional surrender. My behavior is often misinterpreted to my benefit, giving others the impression that i'm a lot more self-assured & self-possessed than i am, that i am distant & even aloof. Conventional societal norms also protect me from the bold move that would enable practically any man i meet to simply grab me by the wrist & force me into the nearest car, bathroom, or alleyway where i would unresistingly do whatever it was he told me to do & never speak a word of it to anyone.