I Am Joe's Spare Buttplug!

Be the only person in the world to read this poem!

Be the only person in the world!

Amaze your friends and neighbors!

Go down deep in the bathysphere of your solipsism!

See strange creatures never before seen!

Be unable to tell anyone!

Now is the time! Time is running out!

17 Mouthwatering Pork Recipes!

Never before has it been easier!

Obetz, Ohio!

Look into your underpants and surprise yourself every time!

Grow wings!

If 100 people read this poem, Trump will be impeached!

If 1000 people read this poem, Death is defeated. He becomes your BFF and goes shopping for shoes with you at the mall and buys you a smoothie at the food court and just turns out to be a really all-around nice guy who'd never hurt the proverbial flea!

Or an actual flea!

If 10,000 people read this poem, forget about it, there will be talking unicorns and rainbows and smiley pink stars and you just can’t even imagine!

I have an entire Mexican family living under my sink!

True story!

They love it!

So will you!

Here lies all that stuff!